Dear Shonda Rhimes,
We need to talk.
I want to start out by saying, Shonda, that it has been a privilege. The time we’ve spent together over the years have been some of the best of my life. You made me feel things I didn’t know I was capable of feeling.
When I look back on my life, I know that I will always think of our time together fondly. You made me into the person I am today. I am a better person because of you.
But Shonda, I was so young when this all started. I didn’t know who I was back then and I didn’t know what I wanted. I wish I had known then what I know now.
This hasn’t been easy. We haven’t always had good times. In fact, we’ve seen a lot of heartache. And sometimes, even when two people love each other the way we do, sometimes love just isn’t enough.
For so long, I’ve tried to deny it, but we’ve been growing apart for some time now. And as hard as it is to admit, we’re going down different paths.
I wish it was different. I wish we could have made this work. But I just don’t have it in me.
I have to focus on me right now. You’ll be fine without me. You’re so strong.
What I’m trying to say, Shonda, is that you don’t make me happy anymore and I think this relationship, this relationship that used to be so beautiful, has become unhealthy.
Maybe it’s my fault because I didn’t end things when I found out Derek had a wife. That was such a red flag. But I was in too deep and I needed to believe it would work out.
My friends thought I was crazy for staying after Cristina was left at the altar. But I knew we would get through it together.
When Denny died, I thought that would be our lowest point and if I could just drag myself off the bathroom floor, it would be okay.
Sometimes, I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t go on. But I knew giving up wasn’t the answer.
Maybe, by the time George died, I was just too damaged to walk away. I couldn’t imagine life without you.
When the shooter walked into the hospital, I think I mostly stuck around to see how far you would go. I dared you to pull that trigger. It was like you wanted to hurt me.
But then things got better again and I could pretend that I was happy. I pretended we still were those bright-eyed interns who were so in love.
I thought you were going to take Callie or Arizona from me in that accident – but what you did was so much worse. You put Arizona on that plane and you saved her, only to rip her best qualities from her.
And how dare you kill Lexi right after she and Mark were finally going to work out? We could’ve been together forever.
This is what you do, Shonda. And I can’t deal with it anymore.
Killing. Isn’t. Always. The answer. It’s the easy way out. It’s murder. But you know all about getting away with murder, don’t you?
And this… this thing I can’t even talk about… this Derek business…. this was the last straw.
I don’t even know the person you are. Because the person I fell in love with would never have done what you have. But then, maybe I never really knew you.
Please don’t try to stop me. I’ve made up my mind. I want off the carousel. It’s for the best.
Maybe someday we can be friends. I hope so.
Fondly and with a broken heart,